The World According to Mike
or
"Life Sucks, and Here's Why"

Compiled nearly entirely from personal experiences and just plain sucky 
things that happen to us every day.

Editor:
Mike Lerley

Contributors:
Tim Flanders
Jason Morang
Mike Lerley
Sabrina Goodpaster
Eric Barnes
Chuck Grunden

Last update: 2/15/95

Just when you think things are going a-ok, a creature from the fifth 
ring of hell is deposited into your life whose sole purpose is to reduce 
you, all you have been, and all you will be to an amorphous blob of 
fleshy ooze... or at least a quivering, fearful, lifeless mass with no 
self-control or will to live.
	-Wakko

The most gorgeous lady you have ever met determines, after much 
conversation, that her goal in life is to make you her bestest friend. 
	-Wakko et al.

Your teachers tell you you'll never amount to anything... and you don't.
	-"Bob"

A guy takes a girl on the rebound out shopping.  They have a great time 
-- as she puts it, "The most fun I have had since we went mountain 
climbing together... in fact, the most fun all semester!"  They continue 
to discuss all the fun things they have done together all year.  
She then excuses herself to go upstairs and try to find a boyfriend.
	-"Bob"


You bet it all, and you lose.
	-Wakko


Your only Valentine is your mother.
	-"Bob"


Your alarm clock is set an hour ahead, you forget to bring a writing 
implement to class, your computer breaks down, your CD player skips, you 
can't find the remote and your fridge quits, all before lunch.
	-"Bob"


The only picture of a smiling, happy woman hanging on your wall is some 
cheesy poster you bought at an overpriced music store.
	-"Bob"

The birthday card from your parents is a week late.
	-"Bob"

You want to break up with your girlfriend -- but she beats you to it.
	-"Me"

The only flower you get on Valentine's Day is the silk rose you stole 
from the cafeteria.
	-Catfood

You think you got a Valentine's Day card in the mail, but it turns out 
to be a personalized offer from CitiBank addressed to "The Student at 
Room 137."
	-Lately


Life is like Calculus...
  There are far too many rules that you never really use, but are 
expected to 
	memorize anyways.
  Nothing in the experience of it ever seems to come out whole or 
positive.
  It's never a pleasant thing to deal with early in the morning.
  The solution to any problem always appears to change to something 
totally new
	every time you think through it again.
	-Dorianne


You're the 1001st person to enter a store where the 1000th person gets 
$1000.
When you're lucky enough to win $1,000 dollars, its because you left 
early and it was then given to some one else.

A prospective  woman looks right at you and states "what are you doing 
after this" an you reply "Not much,.. whats up?" just to relize she is 
talking to the dude behind you and you just made an ass of yourself.

The ounce of hope of we carry everyday for a swell life is just a 
taunting poke in the side from God.











You come up with the most "Life Sucks, And Here's Why" comments and 
observations.
	-


Hope sucks.