You might be a redneck if...

  • Your front porch collapses and kills more than six dogs

  • You've ever used lard in bed

  • You think SPAM on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre

  • You consider a six-pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment

  • Less than half the cars you own run

  • Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass

  • Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan

  • You honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures

  • You've ever barbecued SPAM on the grill

  • The primary color of your car is "Bondo"

  • There is a stuffed opossum mounted somewhere in your house

  • The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones

  • The diploma hanging in your den includes the words "Trucking Institute"

  • Your wife or mother has ever been involved in a fist fight at a high school sporting event

  • The most common phrase heard at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, shithead?"

  • You have a rag for a gas cap

  • You've ever used a weedwhacker indoors

  • You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior

  • Your father encouraged you to quit school because Larry had an opening on the lube rack

  • You think Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy

  • You prominently display a souvenir from Graceland

  • You think beef jerky and moon pies are two of the major food groups

  • You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug

  • Your brother-in-law is your uncle

  • You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time

  • Your wife keeps a spit cup on the ironing board

  • You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding picture was taken

  • Your lifetime ambition is to own a fireworks' stand


    Author unknown

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